Communication comes in many forms. But in some cases, even those closest to each other hurt each other with careless words or devaluation. What is it and why should it be avoided?
The essence of impairment
Everyone has their own values, ideas, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes they seem strange, but if you dig deeper, they have their own reasons. People cherish their inner world and it is very unpleasant for them to hear when someone devalues what they value and what seems to be the most important to them.
Often people don’t even notice that they devalue themselves and then are surprised by the resentment. This happens because everyone has different values. What suits some people does not suit others. Any devaluation hurts and offends.
It is most often expressed by the following words and actions:
- Ignoring;
- Inaction when those around you are expecting action;
- Phrases like “it’s your problem”, “deal with it yourself”, “it’s nothing, it’s worthless”;
- Inattention to the words of the interlocutor;
- Ingratitude for good deeds, congratulations;
- By interrupting the conversation and abruptly switching to another topic.
Impairment is almost always perceived negatively and leads to resentment. That is why it is important to avoid it in any communication. Otherwise, you can offend a person, kill trust and even quarrel forever.
Why we devalue others
This is not only the fault of different values, but also other reasons that many people are not aware of. When showing the interlocutor that his words are worthless, many are guided by the following motives:
- Remember how many times you’ve been told “it’s nothing, it’ll pass”, “you’re panicking for nothing” and so on;
- This occurs if the interlocutor shows his or her own greatness;
- Irritation if other people’s problems seem easily solvable to us;
- Pressure and submission. By impairment, many people assert themselves at the expense of others;
- By depreciating the offense, a person thinks he is being defeated.
If people around you often complain that you devalue them, it’s time to change. Think back to how you yourself have felt when someone rejects you and calls what you care about “nonsense. Sometimes the devaluation comes from a lack of communication experience. For example, not knowing how to say no, how to tactfully move the conversation to another topic, and so on. These skills can be learned. It is important to realize that devaluation always spoils even good communication.
Here are some tips on how to avoid it in conversations.
Do not interrupt the person you are talking to
Abrupt transitions to another topic, ridiculous questions offend no less than ignoring. If a person wants to talk, to tell what he or she is interested in, give him or her this opportunity. If the topic seems uninteresting to you, still do not interrupt. Perhaps, the interlocutor will switch to another topic. He will be grateful for your attention and will not take offense.
Get in the habit of giving thanks
When sending a card, holiday greetings, a person expects simple attention and a “thank you”. Remember how you felt when your greeting was read and not responded to. Be sure to thank your interlocutors for the signs of attention. This will avoid devaluation in communication.
Don’t make fun of other people’s views and oddities
Even if you don’t like another person’s behavior, there may be reasons for it. No one knows what kind of family a person was brought up in and what he or she had to go through. There are things that are not told even to close friends, so you should not laugh at other people’s words, oddities, even if it is really funny to you. Maybe someone is also laughing at your actions and words.
Don’t try to demean someone who seems aggressive to you
Being sarcastic can mask insecurity, self-consciousness, and fear of failure. It is important to understand what he wants from you and why he spoke to you. Of course, obvious aggression can be ignored, but humiliate in response to an unpleasant interlocutor is not worth it. You will not prove anything to him anyway, having spoiled your mood.
Do not reeducate the person you are talking to, even if you are right
You don’t know why he acts this way and not that way. Psychologically, parenting is over by age 7. Then it’s on to re-education. Let others do it, not you. No one likes to be re-educated, devalued and humiliated.
Learn to gently say no if you need to
Ignoring requests leads to resentment. It is better to say directly that you cannot do what is expected of you and explain why. The same rules apply when communicating remotely, for example on wedaf.com you can communicate with different people. Observing these rules, you will not offend the interlocutor and learn to beautifully build any relationship that is pleasant. The skill does not require a lot of time, but will help prevent misunderstandings and disputes.
Leave a Reply