Questions that help you get to know your interlocutor better

People are rarely candid about themselves. They often stick to common phrases to avoid judgment. What questions can help you get to know your interlocutor better?

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Determine what is important to you

Sometimes, all you need to do to get to know a person is to look at their profile. Pictures and quotes online with likes directly indicate what he likes and what he doesn’t like. To figure out what to ask, write down on paper what you want to know. For example:

• Whether the person you’re talking to is married;
• What kind of girls he likes;
• How he spends his leisure time;
• Does he have any children from previous marriages;
• Where he likes to spend his time;
• Whether he’s a good friend and so on.

To get answers, choose an interesting topic and gain trust. Then the person himself will tell about himself personally, but be patient. Many people are not immediately ready to switch to “you”. Therefore, before you try to get to know someone better, you need to establish communication.

Start with a neutral topic

People do not reveal themselves immediately. In order to talk about something personal, it is important for them to make sure that they can trust the other person. Therefore, it is best to start the conversation with a neutral topic. You can ask the following questions:

1. Where is the best pool in your city?
2. Do you go to concerts, how do you feel about the creativity of stars?
3. Have you heard about the case you had in your town?
4. What is the nicest and most inexpensive coffee shop in your town?

Important: the topic should be close to you. You should not ask about things that are not interesting. As soon as there is a dialog, you can start asking frank questions, but not right away. It is important to inspire confidence in yourself, so that the interlocutor will want to share personal things with you.

It is best to start communication with a topic that the interlocutor can talk about. For example, about an event in his city, a new movie, a book, a musical novelty or even a celebrity dress.

Avoid intrusiveness: create an atmosphere of trust

Too many questions push people away. The interlocutor may think that you want to know something personal and will close up. It is better to wait for the moment when a person wants to talk about himself. To do this, you need to create trust in communication.

Most people are frank with those who understand them, but do not pry into the soul. Creating an atmosphere of trust will help to create qualities:

• Benevolence;
• Humor that doesn’t have to be crude, cynical or obnoxious;
• Empathy: the ability to listen and feel the mood of the interlocutor;
• Distance: it’s important to steer away from provocative questions;
• People who are calm, reasonable and strong are more trustworthy.

An important indicator of trust is honesty. Once you are sure that you do not pose a danger, the interlocutor may ask a personal question. In this case, it is important to immediately understand why he did it and tell about himself. This is the case when reasonable frankness brings you closer.

Tell me about yourself

Unobtrusive self-talk builds trust. It is not necessary to share your problems, fears and worries. It is enough just to tell an interesting story from childhood and briefly talk about yourself. You can mention your parents, your family situation, or a topic that worries you. Restrained frankness helps the interlocutor to open up and also tell frankly about yourself.

How to understand the views of the interlocutor, what to pay attention to

Most people talk about what is accepted, hiding their soul. But if you choose a topic that excites and likes the interlocutor, you can learn a lot of interesting things about him. In this case, to understand what kind of lifestyle a person likes, what he likes and what he does not, you can ask interesting questions. They can seem different spheres, including love, leisure, life goals.

How to determine a person’s life goals and aspirations

The answers to the following questions will help:

• What did you want to be when you were a kid?
• If given the opportunity, what would you accomplish right now?
• What is true happiness for you?
• What goal or dream are you working on right now?
• Do you think money is not the most important thing or can’t you do without it?
• What are you most proud of in your life?
• If there was an opportunity to start your own brand, what would it be?

Answers to these questions will help to understand what a person aspires to in the professional sphere, how important career is in his life.

How to determine a person’s relationship to family, opposite sex

Usually views in this sphere are visible through photos, family status if a person indicates it in his profile, holidays he celebrates. Pictures in which a guy is hugging a girl or kissing clearly hints at the status.

If the interlocutor in the pictures is alone, you can clarify his/her personal life with the following questions:

• What do you appreciate in a girl?
• Is it difficult to achieve mutual love or not?
• Do you believe in love?
• What qualities are important to you in personal relationships?
• Who would you definitely not have an affair with?
• Do you give a second chance to the person who betrayed you or not?
• Should jealousy be in a relationship or not?

The answers to these questions will help you understand what a person values, what kind of family he or she envisions and what qualities repel him or her.

Similarly, you can ask questions about a person’s hobbies, travels, and hobbies. The main thing is that the topic should be interesting to both of you. Then the interlocutor will tell even what he or she did not plan, giving a chance for a strong sincere friendship and pleasant communication.