In the daily hustle and bustle, no matter how hard we try to avoid unpleasant situations and conversations, they still happen. And what matters here is how we behave in such moments. After all, we can get into a polemic, get angry and have a serious quarrel with the interlocutor, and we can avoid it.
In modern realities, communication takes place offline and online: at work, at university, as well as on wedaf.com you can communicate with different people and find friends for many years. But it is important not only to start communication, but also to be able to maintain it.
When disputes arise, the first thing that is important to do is to keep a calm and even tone with any arguments of the interlocutor. Confidence in your voice in most cases helps the other person to slow down and calm down a bit.
Don’t be provoked
Many people like to provoke quarrels, they like to assert themselves and make themselves right by humiliating and devaluing others. You should not allow them this pleasure. The method of unexpected phrases works very well with such characters.
Unexpected words
If they expect an apology, on the contrary, start praising yourself. “You’re not doing a good job!” “Thanks, I’m trying.” “That dress doesn’t suit you.” “Thank you, I really like it too.” As a rule, after hearing not what was expected, first they go into a stupor and then abruptly first end the unproductive conversation for them. And then they go looking for a new “victim”, weaker.
Confidence of tone
Don’t use your voice to indicate that something or someone is going to piss you off. Respond calmly, even if the person you are talking to is yelling. Do not stoop to his or her level.
Agreeing, disagreeing
Sharp points can always be smoothed over by half-agreeing with your interlocutor. “In principle you are right.” That is, like yes and like no, but he will hear and “count” on a subconscious level only what you agree with him.
Avoid direct claims
Don’t say “you’re hurting me”, say “I’m hurt by those words”, “I’m hurt to hear that”. This makes it easier for people to accept the phrases without getting defensive.
Don’t get personal
When discussing a situation, do not point out the person’s personal qualities. Not “you’re late”, but “transportation is bad right now, we’d better get to the meeting early”. “Am I very late?”, “No, I just found time to finish that book”. Get out of difficult moments with dexterity.
Don’t get emotional
We should not add fuel to the conflict, but rather try to put it out. And if we cannot influence another person’s emotions, we can always influence our own.
There’s a terrific way to learn this. First, we learn to notice which words hurt us. Then we learn to notice our emotions when we hear that phrase. Then we notice how the negative emotions begin to rise. When we have learned to track the moment of negative reaction to specific words, we begin to work on the reaction. Namely, we first learn to inhibit the habitual reaction, and then, having perfected this skill, we begin to build and play out new scenarios of reaction. Gradually, you will not notice how you will begin to react differently. The trigger will disappear, giving freedom to new neural connections.
This is a very useful skill that will make you feel comfortable with even the most difficult and toxic interlocutor.
Some people try hard to “jab” the other person. In this way they feel that they are superior to the other person, and so they feel satisfied with their ego. As a rule, these are those who themselves have achieved little in life, and try to lower others to their level. It is in your hands not to let them do it.
By the way, if such a person is your employee, then applying and honing such a skill, you will very quickly cease to be interesting to him. And he will find someone who is easier.
With a person important to you, you need to learn to smooth out conflicts and compromise. The ability to negotiate, to pretend somewhere that you didn’t hear or understand something, will help to keep communication and good relations. Unfortunately, not all people are emotionally developed, not all are empathic. Many people do not even sincerely realize that they have hurt someone with a word.
And it’s important to notice it.
Soft communication
We all come from childhood. And often a careless word from adults hurts us so much that we spend all our adult years trying to find where this or that psychological trauma of ours lies. Understanding this, you begin to realize how important it is to think through what we are going to say now. After all, you never know what exactly can hurt your interlocutor to the core.
Listen to the person you’re talking to.
There may be truth in what he says. The fact is that we do not always see some things about us. We may not notice that there is something in our behavior or character that others may not like. That is why we listen to the interlocutor, his criticism can be constructive. Especially if a certain trait of your character is pointed out by several people.
Thus, when we learn to respond to difficult conversations in new ways, we develop ourselves. Every time we don’t provoke an argument, we win. Our own selves, because we are growing and improving ourselves.
It is not necessary to avoid conflicts on purpose, but it is necessary to extinguish them at the root, not letting them develop. End them after noticing their beginning. The ability to smooth out sharp and uncomfortable and sometimes aggressive topics of conversation will always be your advantage and a reason for respect.
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