Communication is pleasant in itself, but sometimes it leads to conflicts. No one knows where and when the interests of the interlocutors will collide, and a peaceful conversation will turn into a heated argument. How to discuss complex topics without conflict? Here is what psychologists write about it.
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Keep it friendly
The main cause of conflicts is pressure, disrespect for the interlocutor and aggressiveness. If there is a dispute to be discussed, it is better to tune in to goodwill in advance. It will not allow you to allow outbursts, shouting, move to personalities and spoil the conversation. At the same time, it is important to respect yourself and not allow your interlocutors to impose their opinion on you.
Respect without consent
Even if you are uncomfortable listening to what your interlocutor is saying, try to remain respectful by not agreeing to his or her terms. Usually in such cases people often argue, snap and say hurtful words. Even if you don’t agree with the person you are talking to, show them respect. This will soften the blow and may be a source of compromise.
Let me know you can change your mind
If the interlocutor insists on his rightness, trying to change your mind or re-educate you, the following phrases will help to stop him:
- “Perhaps I will accept what you say, but not now.”
- “I’m not ready to accept what you’re offering me just yet, so I’ll keep my opinion.”
- “I have no idea what you are proposing to me, so I stand by my opinion.”
- “Let me think about it for a moment.”
- “I can’t do what you suggest I do yet.”
- “It’s still hard for me to do that.”
- “I’m not ready.”
- “Maybe I’ll change my mind.”
Such phrases will cool down the interlocutor, cooling down the argument. After all, even if you do not agree with the person, you can change your mind. This will give hope to the person that you will change and that you respect his opinion, but for some reason you are not yet ready to fulfill what he asks.
Stick to logic
Logical, precise and reasonable arguments cool down emotions and help to end the conflict situation. Emotions, on the other hand, lead to the fact that the dispute heats up and turns to mutual insults. Do not allow personal attacks. Insist on your rightness and give reasonable arguments.
Don’t try to change the person you’re talking to
Re-education does not lead to anything good, it only aggravates the conflict situation. Do not think that if a person agrees with you, he or she will do what is imposed. When discussing controversial topics, especially on the Internet, do not try to change anyone. In this case, it is better to ignore the aggression and not enter the dispute at all. This will help not to spoil your mood.
Don’t get personal
An argument turns into a conflict when people get personal. This is not pleasant for anyone. If insults start, it is better to stop them immediately, without diverting the conversation from the main topic. In this case, it is appropriate to ignore open insults and stop the conversation. You can respond with the following:
- Is that what you wanted to tell me?
- I don’t think we’ve gotten personal.
- I’m not going to answer questions like that.
- Is that what we’re here to discuss?
If the interlocutor cannot stop, end the conversation. You will not prove anything to him, only spoil your own mood.
Don’t let others get personal
If the insults are too much, ask the person you are talking to a question:
- What does this have to do with our conversation?
- Why would you want to do that?
- What about you?
- You think I’m good at this?
- Maybe it’s time to end this conversation.
The following phrases will also help to calm down a raging interlocutor:
- I don’t intend to discuss it right here;
- My personal life is none of your business;
- That’s confidential information;
- I don’t even tell my friends about it;
- You should talk about your personal life.
Usually such phrases make the interlocutor think about his words and avoid rude behavior. This will help to discuss a controversial topic without descending into conflict.
Don’t blame the person you’re talking to
Accusation, especially in a harsh form, makes a person defend himself. Nothing good can come of it. Even if you silence them, you will not change their opinion. It is better to keep the conversation neutral and even justify the interlocutor a little.
Set clear communication goals
Unpleasant or controversial topics should always have a purpose. Only then will they lead not to conflict, but to a constructive solution.
End the conversation if you feel you’re losing your temper
It is not easy to keep your composure in disputes. If the discussion becomes too emotional, it is better to stop or postpone communication. This will allow you to think through all the decisions and act less impulsively than before. It is worth stopping communication and if the interlocutor is snapping. This will not allow the dispute to turn into a conflict that will last a long time.
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