In conversation, people reveal not only their thoughts but also the impact of their upbringing. Sometimes, upbringing can hinder effective communication, making it difficult to build connections and create a positive impression. On platforms like wedaf.com, individuals can engage with different people and make friends, but can negative influences from childhood be overcome? The answer is yes—if you understand key patterns in communication.
We unconsciously copy our parents’ mannerisms
When interacting with others, people inevitably bring elements of their upbringing into their conversations. Those raised in an atmosphere of kindness and respect tend to express empathy, while those who grew up surrounded by shouting, arguments, and negativity often reflect that in their speech. People from a tense family environment may:
- Avoid social interactions
- Be reluctant to answer questions
- React aggressively or impulsively
- Overreact to minor comments
Such individuals often struggle with both self-esteem and communication. However, when they open up, they may not be as unpleasant as they initially seem. Unconsciously, they mimic the communication style of their parents and expect similar responses from others—whether that means confrontation or avoidance.
Shyness or boldness
In some cases, upbringing, rather than personality, shapes whether a person is shy or confident.
For example, if a girl was constantly told to be modest and not draw attention to herself, she may grow up suppressing her emotions, even when people expect her to engage. In such cases, it may take time for her to open up.
On the other hand, if a child is repeatedly told, “Be brave, don’t be shy,” they may grow up without understanding boundaries, leading to overly assertive or even inappropriate behavior. While this does not necessarily make them a bad person, their mannerisms may be off-putting to others. Upbringing determines what we consider acceptable in conversations and how we present ourselves to the world.
Psychological defense mechanisms
Even though every person receives some form of upbringing, not everyone follows the behavioral patterns their parents intended. For example, parents may encourage their child to be confident, yet the child grows up timid. Conversely, parents may want their daughter to be quiet and obedient, but she turns out to be rebellious and outspoken.
This happens due to psychological defense mechanisms—people naturally assert their right to be themselves, regardless of their upbringing. Psychologists call this a counter-scenario, where individuals reject imposed behaviors and resist control over their personality. The stronger the pressure, the greater the resistance. As a result, such people may become defensive in conversations or withdraw even further.
How to encourage a shy person to open up
People who are naturally reserved and consider modesty their greatest virtue do not immediately engage in conversations. They need to feel a sense of trust and safety before opening up. When interacting with them, avoid being overly persistent. Instead, try choosing topics where they feel comfortable sharing their knowledge and experiences. Good conversation starters include:
- A piece of jewelry or accessory in a photo
- An element of their clothing
- A city where their picture was taken
- Entertainment venues in the location of their photo
- A new TV series
- A recent news event
Do not expect quick responses. Shy individuals may take longer to reply and think carefully before answering, but if they find the topic interesting, they will engage more readily. Many introverts prefer deep discussions with close friends rather than casual small talk. Since they are selective about their conversation partners, gaining their trust requires patience.
How to communicate with an ill-mannered person
Unfortunately, not all upbringing results in shyness—some individuals develop bluntness and rudeness instead. These people may not realize they are being offensive simply because this was the norm in their family environment. But how do you distinguish between someone who is simply ill-mannered and someone who is intentionally aggressive?
Key differences include:
- Aggressors deliberately try to insult or provoke, whereas ill-mannered people are simply tactless.
- Mean-spirited individuals aim to devalue and hurt others, while rude people often lack emotional restraint but do not necessarily intend harm.
- Hostile individuals may respect boundaries when it suits them, while blunt people often fail to recognize personal space.
- A true aggressor will never apologize, while a rude person may say sorry if directly confronted about their behavior.
To determine the person’s true nature, pay attention to their overall intent rather than just their communication style. It is possible to be insulted politely if the speaker’s goal is to offend. However, if a person communicates harshly but listens to arguments and acknowledges different perspectives, their behavior may be due to habit rather than malice.
Conclusion
Flaws in upbringing influence communication style, making people either more likable or more off-putting. Learning to communicate effectively involves not only improving one’s own speech habits but also setting boundaries to prevent mistreatment from others.
By refining communication skills, anyone can overcome the negative aspects of their upbringing. Over time, others will begin to perceive them as intelligent, pleasant, and respectful conversation partners.
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