Why do people sometimes not hear each other

When communicating with a friend, relative, or colleague, we always seek feedback and want to be sure that the other person is truly listening to us. Mutual listening is the key to effective communication, where both parties feel heard and understood.

Developing active listening skills through daily practice can significantly improve communication. However, even among close people, misunderstandings can arise, making it feel as if each person is on their own wavelength and not fully perceiving the other’s words. Psychologists believe that various factors contribute to this, but the good news is that learning the art of mutual understanding is always possible.

How to recognize that someone is listening to you

Active listening is a skill that anyone can develop. When a person is genuinely engaged in a conversation, their behavior usually includes:

• Maintaining eye contact with the speaker
• Reacting to speech with nods, verbal affirmations (“I see,” “I understand”), or smiles
• Asking follow-up questions, showing interest in the topic
• Avoiding distractions such as checking their phone or looking away
• Not interrupting and allowing the speaker to finish their thought

If someone follows these principles, they are more likely to accurately interpret the speaker’s intentions and emotions, making the conversation meaningful and engaging.

Signs that someone is not listening to you

Sometimes, a conversation partner may pretend to listen out of politeness, but several clues can indicate they are not actually engaged in the conversation:

• A distracted expression, failing to react appropriately to what is being said
• Responding off-topic, giving answers that don’t relate to the question
• Frequent distractions, such as checking their phone or engaging in other activities
• Interrupting frequently, not allowing the speaker to finish their thoughts
• Dismissing emotions, making comments like “You’re overreacting” or “That’s not a big deal”
• Yawning, resting their head on their hand, or looking around with a bored expression

If someone shows these behaviors, true understanding in the conversation is unlikely, as they are either disinterested or preoccupied with their own thoughts.

What to do if you can’t reach mutual understanding

If a conversation feels stagnant or frustrating, the first step is to stay calm and avoid reacting emotionally.

If you were trying to share a problem but the listener dismissed your feelings, mocked your concerns, or gave unwanted advice, it may be a sign that they are not the right person for deep conversations.

Steps to take in a difficult conversation:

1. Pause the conversation and say that you’ll return to it later
2. Reflect on the situation:
   • What were you trying to express?
   • What response triggered an emotional reaction (e.g., frustration, anger, confusion)?
3. Reassess the situation:
   • If you still feel the need to discuss it, try rephrasing your thoughts more clearly before revisiting the conversation at a later time

However, if you realize that the person never truly listens to or understands you, do not waste your energy. Instead, seek support from someone who aligns with your values and communication style.

Why do people sometimes fail to hear each other

There are many reasons why people misunderstand or fail to listen properly during a conversation:

• Differences in temperament
  • A choleric (high-energy, fast speaker) and a phlegmatic (slow-paced, calm speaker) may struggle to communicate effectively
  • One person may find the other too intense, while the other finds them too disengaged
• Lack of empathy and emotional intelligence – some people struggle to recognize or interpret others’ emotions, making meaningful conversation difficult
• Lack of practice in communication – some individuals are not used to active listening and often focus only on their own thoughts
• Personal dislike or bias
  • Some people have a history of conflict, making it difficult to engage in open dialogue
  • Common examples include strained relationships between in-laws, bosses and employees, or rival colleagues

Each case of miscommunication is unique, influenced by a person’s character, emotional intelligence, communication habits, and relationship dynamics.

How to learn to listen and understand others

The best way to improve listening skills is through daily interaction with different people.

Some practical exercises to strengthen active listening skills include:

• Reading and analyzing written conversations (e.g., text messages, emails)
  • Focus on identifying key points and underlying emotions in the text
  • Notice how punctuation, emojis, and pauses affect meaning
• Engaging in discussions with new people to practice not just talking but truly listening
• Using online platforms, like wedaf.com, to meet new conversation partners from around the world and practice cross-cultural listening skills

By practicing daily, anyone can become a better listener, leading to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

Conclusion

People don’t always hear each other due to differences in temperament, emotional intelligence, and communication styles. However, active listening is a skill that can be developed through conscious effort and daily practice.

By improving how we listen, react, and engage in conversations, we can build stronger relationships based on understanding and mutual respect. If one person refuses to listen, the best solution may be to seek meaningful conversations elsewhere with those who truly value communication.