Compliments are a key element of communication that can help establish rapport and make others feel appreciated. They can be exchanged between men and women, younger and older generations, colleagues, and friends. Compliments may highlight a person’s appearance, intelligence, or personal qualities. However, it is essential to give them correctly to avoid sounding insincere or overly flattering.
Types of compliments
Psychologists categorize compliments into the following types:
- Appearance – highlighting attractive facial features, a warm smile, good posture, style, or an elegant outfit.
- Character – appreciating qualities such as kindness, confidence, humor, or leadership skills.
- Skills and abilities – acknowledging work competencies, cooking skills, creativity, or technical expertise.
When is it appropriate to give compliments?
A well-placed compliment can naturally fit into a conversation when you genuinely admire something about a person. Some people use compliments as an icebreaker at the beginning of a conversation to make a positive impression—often complimenting appearance since people tend to form first impressions based on looks.
Compliments can also serve as a way to diffuse tension and prevent conflicts. If a person is gearing up for an argument but suddenly hears something positive about themselves, they may soften their stance.
Mistakes to avoid when giving compliments
Psychologists recommend giving compliments only when they are sincere. If the compliment is forced or artificial, the recipient will likely sense the insincerity.
It is also important to avoid compliments that may come across as inappropriate or insensitive. For example, complimenting someone’s posture or gait when they have mobility issues could be seen as offensive rather than flattering.
Another issue is “compliment sandwiches,” a manipulative tactic where a compliment is followed by a backhanded remark. An example would be:
“You have a great figure, but you should really lose some weight.”
If you receive such comments, it is best not to take them as genuine compliments. Instead, recognize them as a form of subtle manipulation. If such remarks come from close friends or acquaintances, they may be trying to boost their self-esteem at your expense.
How to give compliments correctly
To make someone feel genuinely appreciated, follow these guidelines:
- Be sincere. Only compliment when you truly admire something about the person. Forced politeness can come across as disingenuous.
- Maintain eye contact. Looking directly at the person while giving a compliment helps convey authenticity.
- Avoid overdoing it. Excessive praise, especially covering multiple areas at once, may seem like flattery rather than genuine admiration.
- Consider the context and relationship. The appropriateness of a compliment depends on whether the person is a friend, colleague, superior, or family member.
- Go beyond generic statements. Instead of saying, “You look nice,” be more specific: “That blouse complements your complexion beautifully,” or “I admire the way you organize your tasks at work—it makes you highly effective.”
Also, consider the situation in which you are giving the compliment. Are you offering encouragement, trying to build rapport, or genuinely appreciating something about the person? The key to a meaningful compliment is genuineness and openness. If you do not feel positive about the person, forcing a compliment may seem fake and make the conversation awkward. In such cases, maintaining politeness and respectful distance is the best approach.
Can you practice giving compliments online?
If you struggle with giving compliments but want to improve, online communication can be a great place to practice. When chatting with someone, you can compliment their intelligence, writing style, or how they express ideas. If they share photos, you can also acknowledge their style or photography skills.
On platforms like wedaf.com, you can meet different people and refine your ability to give sincere compliments, making you more confident in real-life interactions. Spreading positivity and kindness in communication often results in receiving the same energy in return.
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