How to Stay Calm in a Conflict

People are united by common vital needs, but each person has their own perspective and personal opinion on how to satisfy them. This forms the basis of individual interests. A conflict arises when the interests of two or more parties collide.

Psychological characteristics of conflict

A person reacts to reality through emotions and feelings (elements of the subjective side). Anxiety disappears, and calmness emerges through understanding:

• The stages of conflict resolution;
• The psychological reactions of those involved;
• The rules of behavior that lead to compromise.

A conflict situation is strongly associated with negative emotions. During interactions, both parties inevitably experience:

1. Fear – a short-term emotion that can turn into apprehension or fright, either blocking or intensifying reactions.
2. Anger – a hostile form of indignation that may escalate into rage, leading to extreme judgment and accusations.
3. Shame – a negative feeling of being in the wrong, inducing guilt and fear.

Conflict and its regulation are two separate processes. A person cannot simply abandon their interests. The goal of both parties is to determine the optimal way to satisfy each side’s needs.

Two ways out of a conflict

A compromise resolves the conflict and is achieved through dialogue (conversation). Extreme deviations in psychological reactions lead to a scandal, a dangerous social phenomenon that threatens all participants.

Before engaging in interaction, it is important to sincerely assess the significance of a compromise regarding a specific issue. In some cases, adopting a passive stance and maintaining neutrality is the wiser approach.

Rules of compromise

An active approach to conflict resolution involves the following principles:

1. Respecting the opponent’s position. When agreeing to resolve a conflict and engaging in negotiations, one must attentively listen to the other person without interrupting.
2. Showing interest in arguments. Understanding the other party’s reasoning enhances alertness.
3. Formulating one’s own solution and presenting it to the opponent, highlighting its benefits for both sides.
4. Avoiding authoritarian behavior (such as emotional claims about the opponent’s wrongness, accusations, and condemnation), as these are self-justifying psychological maneuvers that can escalate into a scandal.
5. Being mindful of tone and speech. Thoughts and questions should be expressed calmly and peacefully.
6. Maintaining openness and honesty. A conflict is not a situation where even a small lie is beneficial.
7. Identifying common interests in the dispute.
8. Using business communication etiquette.
9. Resisting the urge to retaliate with insults. This rule helps to internalize the understanding that any insult is an attack on a person’s dignity.
10. Maintaining confidence during the conversation. In conflicts, any sign of insecurity can provoke contempt, which may escalate into anger.

Discussing the issue with a third party

Talking to an impartial person (such as a friend, relative, colleague, or someone with shared interests) helps evaluate the true significance of the conflict. One can share feelings, seek advice, and receive support through interactive conversations (for example, via an online chat on wedaf.com).

Conflict language: what to say and how

When faced with inevitable, uncomfortable communication, people instinctively search for the right words as a form of self-protection against the anticipation of confrontation.

During discussions with an opponent, one should avoid using informal or aggressive forms of address such as “you” in a confrontational manner. A conflict dialogue consists of each participant stating their position, typically beginning with “I” statements. Common phrases include:

• I believe…
• I think…
• I suggest…

This form of self-expression prevents spontaneous attacks that may lead to aggressive accusations and condemnation.

Boundaries of self-assertion

Self-esteem plays an active role in conflicts, and its proper manifestation can optimize time and effort.

1. Acknowledging that conflicts are unpleasant but sometimes necessary.
2. Avoiding attempts to turn negotiations into casual friendly conversations.
3. Staying on topic.

Attempts to deviate from the subject may include shifting the focus to personal traits (discussing each other’s character), irrelevant topics (weakly connected to the main issue), or even insults (a manipulative tactic meant to confuse). These are simply signs of poor communication skills.